ready to take on whatever the Isle of Man could throw at them. Little did they know that as they waved Darren off from Pier Head that they were also waving goodbye to blue sky and sunshine for two days! Of course “what goes on tour, stays on tour” but even my days as a war correspondent in the Boer War (ask your Dads to watch ‘Zulu’ kids) didn’t prepare me for what was to come.

After a restful and peaceful night at our comfortable accommodation near the airport, the spritely young scamps boarded the coach to Douglas rugby club fully understanding why the trees lining the drive to King William’s College were all leaning alarmingly to the east. Sadly the trip to our first venue was somewhat spoiled by the lack of visibility thanks to the driving rain, however spirits were raised upon arrival at Douglas RFC when a village of tents reminded us all why we are members of Hoylake and not Northwich rugby club!

So, despite standing water on the pitches turning the playing surface to a muddy swamp, our brave young Under 8s took to the rather cramped quagmire against Northwich. Perhaps it was the smaller dimensions of the pitch that prevented the boys from getting into their tagging rhythm but a high scoring game was played out with little chance of securing 6 tags in a row. Everyone acquitted themselves admirably despite the conditions and a great game saw plenty of effort from the boys although it wasn’t enough to prevent Northwich winning the game by 15 tries to 11.

A break in proceedings allowed Jacob to wear his entire wardrobe underneath his rugby kit before taking to the field against our hosts Douglas. Another free-flowing game was witnessed by the hardy travelling support from Hoylake with another feast of try scoring although the game was sadly marred by the referee applying the laws of rugby very strictly to prevent Charlie from scoring a try. Fortunately it didn’t affect the outcome of the game as Hoylake ran out worthy winners by 15 tries to Douglas’s 10. The highlight of the match was undoubtedly the effort expended by Hoylake to collect 6 tags in a row in the second half although vicious rumours were circulating in the clubhouse afterwards that chocolate-induced match fixing was the motivation. Investigations into this serious allegation are ongoing although a girl behind the bar was heard to exclaim “you want to buy all the cadbury’s fudges?!”

The afternoon was spent at leisure with many taking in the exceptional facilities at the Isle of Man’s National Sports Centre just a hop, skip and a splash away from Douglas rugby club. That evening the rugby club was the venue for a feast of pizza and arbitrary justice and bawdy singing. The pizza was supplied by Pizza Hut and the justice was meted out by “Shrieking Judge Ally” who was a fair and reasonable arbiter of terribly heinous crimes perpetrated throughout the day. Once the assembled throng had sated their appetite for punishment they turned to “Choir Master Ally” to lead everyone in a splendid collection of old songs such as “I’m climbing up Sunshine Mountain”, “Sloop John B” and everyone’s favourite “Father Abraham”. The night ended without incident or sofa destruction of any kind.

After another uneventful and peaceful night in our digs, the fully-rested Under 8s travelled to Vagabonds RFC for the great Isle of Man mini-rugby tournament. Along with Northwich, the boys had 4 local teams against which to pit their skills. Once again, playing conditions were difficult with a strong wind chilling the bones of the weary Hoylake faithful who flanked the touchline.

The first game was a rematch against Douglas and the boys started much the brighter of the two sides although it was a tighter affair than the previous day with Hoylake taking the spoils by 7 tries to 5.

Next up was Southern Nomads RUFC whose club badge is a machete wielding Arab! However it was Hoylake who scythed through the Nomads defence almost at will with The Hoylake Express (Patrick) filling his boots with tries. Clearly relishing their rugby the Under 8s tagged like demons, worked together like never before and eventually blew the opposition away by 7 tries to 2.

Coaches Simon and James had little to do to motivate the team before their next game against Vagabonds, so well were Hoylake playing. However an intimidating looking Vagabonds side would prove to be a much tougher game, especially when Hoylake collected 6 tags in a row early on in the contest and waited for the referee to award them the turnover only for “Vagas” to retain the ball and score! It was testament to the Under 8s adaptability and commitment that they just got on with proceedings and even managed to find the energy to raise their game even further. A number of 6-tag turnovers thanks to the one-boy tagging machine (Liam) spurred Hoylake on to stay neck and neck with the faster and bigger Vagabonds team and with mistakes creeping in from both sides towards the end of the game it was a nail-biting finish. However a splendid series of tags prevented Vagabonds scoring to level the match at the death and from the resulting free-pass a marvellous spectacle of teamwork, great handling and support resulted in Charlie scoring in uncontroversial fashion to end the match with Hoylake winning 8 tries to 6.

There was just time to play the fourth and final Isle of Man side Ramsey RFC before making their way home and with the scent of glory in their nostrils the Under 8s strode on to the field like pint-sized gladiators. They didn’t disappoint the expectant crowd who had not witnessed such flamboyant, confident tag-rugby from this side before. Ramsey were a fun-filled and skilful side who clearly love their rugby and in days gone-by Hoylake would have been beaten by such a team. However, despite Ramsey’s attacking prowess and a player who dummied like Phil Bennett in his pomp (ask your Dad’s whilst he’s digging out the ‘Zulu’ video kids), the Under 8s never looked like they would be beaten. And so it proved, as they ran out deserved winners by 7 tries to 4 to the delight of all the players and their proud parents who had endured the trip!

And so, after a well-deserved meal of hot dogs and chips, the unbeaten Isle of Man tournament victors boarded the Manannan that had been bought from the Steam Packet Company by Alton Towers that very day. A crossing that will haunt the dreams of all on board ended in Liverpool with bright sunshine in our eyes, “Father Abraham” ringing in our ears and the smell of vomit in our nostrils. And fond memories etched into the brains of all who toured.

By Simon Kearsley